Made of These
by Jacksgirl217
Summary: He feels so much violence in him. So much anger. How can he possibly be a good person when he has all of these things in him? When he has so much of him in him' Can be read as a sequal to Thank You, can be read on its own. CLC, angst, oneshot R/R.x.x.x.x.


Disclaimer: the clue is in the fact that this never happened...its fanfiction people!!

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**Made of These**

Leon was suddenly awake. Sensing the slight trembles and short hard gasp coming from behind him, Leon rolled over. He saw in the half light of the moon spilling in from the high window, Cloud. He was wide awake. A thin film of sweat stood out all over his body, his eyes huge and staring fixedly ahead.

"…'Nother nightmare?" Leon asked his voice thick and soft from sleep.

He saw Cloud's brow crease, small tension lines form in between his eyebrows only for a moment before Cloud's face was smooth and unreadable again.

Leon reached up and softly brushed the back of his knuckles across Cloud's cheek, willing him to look at him. "Hey?" He called quietly. Cloud broke his intense contemplation of the ceiling and looked at him, his breathing only slowing just slightly. Cloud held his gaze for a few seconds before he turned away again.

"Sorry." He muttered.

Leon frowned. He hated it when Cloud got like this, but he wouldn't press him. He wouldn't push him or scold him. Wouldn't even sigh and roll his eyes. He couldn't. Reaching up again he cupped Cloud's face to him, pressing his own nose and lips to his lover's temple in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture.

"…'T's okay y'know." He whispered against his skin.

Cloud reached up and gripped Leon's arm where he had laid it across his chest, feeling the other man's fingers carding through his hair at his temples. He couldn't help but wince at those softly ushered words. He wished he could believe them

"I know." He replied his own voice husky and gravely. "…It's just…" he didn't know whether he could finish what he wanted to say. He wanted to, but…

"I thought…I don't…" He stammered. Why was this so god dammed hard?

Leon waited patiently for Cloud to finish, knowing he would in his own time. He just kept on pressing those beautiful little kisses to his lover's hot and flushing skin.

"…It's the same dream. Every time." He finally said as he turned on his side to face Leon. Their faces were centimetres apart, their breaths mingling in the space between them.

"I see him…and then…" he stops again, closing his eyes from the shear exhaustion of saying these things.

"Then…you're there. I'm hurt, I'm already hurt, he's already done…that…to me. And you look at me… and… and you…" It's been a while since he has strung a sentence together like that, and it feels weird to him. He is used to nothing…to silence.

"You look so…disgusted. You hate me." Cloud finally whispers, his eyes tightly shut his fist clenched so hard that his finger nails are leaving harsh crescent shaped marks in his skin.

Leon doesn't say anything, just presses himself up against Cloud holding him, making him know that he doesn't hate him, forcing him to just know that he loves him no matter what. No matter what Cloud thinks.

"I…" But Cloud doesn't say anymore. Just the thought that Leon could hate him leaves him physically wounded enough that it takes him a good few minutes to calm himself again. He knows how pathetic he must seem, how utterly weak and _stupid_, but he can't stop himself from saying these things and shaking, and almost crying and just being so fucking…..

Cloud wants to scream. He wants to shout and rage and just sit quietly all at the same time. He feels so much violence in him. So much anger. How can he possibly be a good person when he has all of these things in him? When he has so much of _him_ in him? How can he be the person that he wants to be when he's so full of wrong? He doesn't know how Leon can stand to be with him. And as much as he knows that he will eventually hurt Leon in the worst way, he just knows that he will kill him with all the wrong things inside of him, he can't let him go. Cloud knows this is the most cowardly thing about him.

Cloud reaches out and grasps Leon, holds him close and calms himself. After a while his breathing is no longer laboured and he is almost drifting off into a near sleep.

"…Love you." He hears Leon whisper to him, feels his lips press to his forehead.

And then Cloud _is_ asleep.

A/N Reviews are like beer to me!!


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